Tuesday, July 22, 2008

I Suppose Rambling Thoughts Come with the 20s Territory

There's been a new convenience store/gas station built at the end of the street that I work on. The gas is about a dime a gallon more than it is a few miles away where all the other gas stations are so I'll never stop there to fill up, but it's nice to know if I ever need to whip in and grab a coffee or candy bar, I can. But I bring this new place up because I want to say that I've noticed that pretty much every day since it opened a few weeks back, there have been several men sitting in plastic lawn chairs in front of the store with coffee cups in hand. It's kind of like a Starbucks patio... only... not.

Anywho - I'm having one of those days where I feel kind of contemplative and introspective. I had several good conversations with some fairly new friends at some point yesterday that have made me kind of think about my life and what I'm doing.

I don't want to get too deep into it right now, but I guess it's just got me thinking about the things I'm involved with and other things I'd like to be involved with, and so on and so forth.

I was remembering last night what my first year after college was like. I ended up in a job that I really hated. I worked with a few awesome women, but in spite of that I found myself in tears on the way to or from work at least a few times a week. I felt very discontent not only with my job, but a bunch of other stuff in my life. Eventually, things started to fall into place. I got out of a serious relationship (which I'm glossing over, but it was hard but in the end, also for the best). I quit the job and started working at my current job, which I LOVE. I moved into an apartment with just me and my cat, no roommates. I started running again. I eventually started dating again. And things were good.

Things are still good. I'm happy and have a lot to be thankful for in my life. But I still have so many days where I wonder if something is missing. Sometimes I feel like I know exactly what's missing, and some of those things I have control over and others I have to wait and see how my life plays out. Other days, I can't put my finger on what it is that I think I'm wanting. I waver between feeling totally content and being mostly content with a few holes that I don't know how I'm supposed to fill them yet.

I suppose it's the way life goes, right? It all works out in the end. One day, I'll find myself remembering this place in my life much as I sat last night remembering how things were a few years ago. I've come a long way since then. Things are good. And I guess I have a feeling that they're going to get even better... I just don't know how exactly.

Along these lines, I'm considering if I should continue to be involved with one of the things I got involved with this year. I'm certainly not one to quit things, but I definitely believe that we have to commit our time to the things we love... to the things that we have a passion for and that make us feel alvie... to the things that allow us to meet our purpose. I'm questioning if I'm doing these things with one of the ways I've committed my time. I'm not ready to make a decision, but it's on my mind.

On another notes, I decided to join the Nashville Striders. I've always felt like I should be part of a running club, and they are the only one around here it seems. I don't know why I hadn't joined before... I guess maybe I wasn't sure that I'd find what I'm looking for there. I'm still not sure, but I decided that for $18 I might as well join and get the monthly newsletter and know what's going on. Plus, members get discounts on local races and at local stores. I like discounts. :) I'd also like to get involved with volunteering at some of the local races that I don't run, and I knew this was a great way to go about making that happen. Finally, I am definitely wanting to get involved with things I'm passionate about and where I can meet other people who share my passion. I don't know if I'll find new best friends through this, or if there are even many people my age who are members, but I think having the opportunity to get together with other runners at races and training runs and social activities will be a fun addition to my life. I don't intend on running all my runs with them or anything, but it will be nice to be able to do so.

I realize this post is kind of rambly and doesn't really explain much. I'm trying to make sense of my thoughts, too! I think it boils down to the fact that it seems that most of us in our 20s are searching to find where we fit, what we should be doing, what kind of people we should surround ourselves with... we want to love our jobs, we want friends, we want a significant other, we want to go to sleep knowing we gave our all that day... maybe I'm generalizing, but I think that we're all kind of trying to figure out how to live this life in a fulfilling way. I know I am.

PS - I've really been appreciating everyone's comments lately! You all rock!


smc said...

well, maybe one or two new friends is okay, but don't go replacing your best gal-pal yet! :)

Laura said...

Running has been great for my social life - I've met so many great people at races, at that camp that I went to, and even running blog friends that I haven't met in person! Hope you love the Nashville Striders, and I'll look forward to meeting you next April when I do the Country Music Marathon.

db said...

Don't be surprised if the whole lawn chair in front of the gas station thing begins to take over. Here, all the ajosshi's (the husband of the ajumma) sit in plastic chairs out in front of the Family Mart and the 7/11 drinking soju and having drunken yelling matches. It's all the rage here. Maybe this trend is finally catching on in smalltown America. (I wonder if they already do this in California and other places with large Asian populations?)