Thursday, June 25, 2009

Thoughts on Marathon Runners from Danielle

Since I'm away on vacation, my good pal Danielle wanted to share some insight on why marathon runners make great friends! Leave her some love!


Breaking News: Long Distance Runners Good for More than Marathons!

(Warning: This blog post contains crap.)


Marathoners are good at running long distances. But I was thinking that perhaps because they've trained themselves to run for ridiculous amounts of time, they've also unwittingly trained themselves into being pretty good friends as well. Now, don't get me wrong. Melanie was a great friend before she began running races and marathons. But I'd say that she's become even more of a best friend now that she's run 26.2 miles an inordinate amount of times. So, in honor of one of the best friends I've ever had, I decided to compile a list of reasons why marathoners make great friends. 


Marathoners are in tune with their bodies. This means that they are pretty much willing to talk about anything, especially poop. Because runners can't be hindered and weighed down by a bag of full bowels as they keep on pace and focus on their stride, they are totally cool with crap. And as a best friend, I appreciate Melanie's openness. So, for example, say my poo has been floating lately. She's the friend I call up and say, “Hey, Mel, my poo is floating. Do you know what that means??” And because Melanie runs marathons and is on speaking terms with her body, we can discuss these things without feeling totally grossed out. So, one thing marathoners are good for is discussing bodily functions without shame.


Marathoners are freaking machines. No, really, they are. You can't run a marathon without putting in all the hard work and discipline that comes with the training beforehand. So, basically, a marathoner will be a walking agenda/party planner/wedding consultant/job hunt helper/anything that calls for a schedule. Melanie has helped me design invitations, develop portfolios, schedule my life, and was integral in my recent employment. If your marathoner is not prone to discipline and designing schedules that work in 20 mile runs around vacations, anniversaries, and life in general, you need to make sure they are legit. 


Marathoners have awesome bods. Yep. I mean, that's a no-brainer, right? Now, normally, you hate your best friend for being in better shape than you. But with a best friend who runs marathons, you understand why they look so much better than you and you don't have to be depressed about it at all. You can look at their awesome thighs and think, “They don't rub together because she runs X amount of miles a week. Duh. Of course my thighs rub together because I'm not a crazy person who can't help pulling on the running shoes. I am a normal-thighed person.” There is that. 


Also, because marathoners are always running, working out, cross training and all that fitness crap, they can be pretty encouraging gym buddies. So, while you're puffing away on the treadmill next to your marathoner best friend whose thighs are avoiding each other like oil and water, you can take a break to look at the body you could have if you just trained hard enough. So, to reiterate my twofold point: a marathoner gives you an excuse for not looking like a marathoner, OR a marathoner gives you something to hope for if you ever decide to run more than one Kanye West song at a time. 


Marathoners are patient. It comes with the territory. First of all, a marathon itself is just dang long. Second, the months leading up to a marathon are even longer. It takes a lot of patience to train the right way and at the right intensity to avoid injury. Or, take Melanie for example, you've seen her be patient with her body as she recovers from her cracked hip. She's not pushing herself too hard, but she makes sure to schedule (see point #2) reasonable expectations for herself. This also makes your relationship less volatile as best friends. Because girls can be snappy and sometimes stupid (roll your eyes all you want but you know I'm right), having a marathoner as your best friend gives you a little more leeway to be yourself and make a few mistakes. You goof up, you think she's never going to talk to you again, but that ol' marathoner patience kicks in and you have another chance to try again. Not that I've ever done anything to warrant patience being thrown my way....


Marathoners can run really far. This is beneficial not only to their own heart health, but for their friends as well. Let's say somebody steals my purse (just pretend I carry a purse, okay?). The thief might be really fast, but Melanie can run for at least 5 hours, so no matter where they go, she can follow at a steady pace and eventually gain on them and proceed to beat them with my purse as they lie on the sidewalk holding their sides from the cramps. Or, let's say I want to steal somebody else's purse. Marathoners cross train! So that means they can take off at a pretty good speed and then slow it down into a long-distance pace. I steal the purse, hand it to Mel, and off she goes with a good 5-hour lead.  


I have faith that my research has proved extremely helpful to those of you currently looking for a new or an additional best friend. Marathoners are committed in their relationships, in it for the long haul (at least 26.2 miles of friendship), and they can advise you on your poop, your pooping habits and your pooping strategies. 


So, go befriend a marathoner. But not Melanie, because she's mine. 

9 comments:

~Mrs. Guru~ said...

AWe, very sweet and true!!!

Rachel H. said...

Too cute! :)

peachy perspective said...

Hilarious, Danielle!

Niki said...

Haha too funny!

Love to Run said...

Danielle, that was really cool and very funny. I always wanted to know the benefits of marathon running from the female perspective. Being a guy marathoner, some things can be different (nipple bleeding, never saw that on a female), but some are the same, ie. the poop thing.

Sharneysrun said...

GREAT guest post- very funny :-)

Nicole said...

I love this! So sweet!!! :)

B.o.B. said...

OMG this is hysterical. I am laughing like a hyena at my desk. It's true. Co-workers are staring.

michele MD said...

Lol. Nice job Danielle!