- I'm not exactly anonymous, and I don't want the guys I'm dating to read what I might write about them.
- I am by nature a fairly private person about personal details.
- I don't like to talk much about it when things don't work out.
Sometimes I question my own policy about writing about dating because believe me - as a 2osthing single gal I have a LOT of really great stories I could share. Some good, some bad... but in the end, they all feel pretty personal. I end up not sharing many because in some ways it feels less personal to me if I tell everyone about it.
(Of course, I plan on writing a book about my dating experiences someday, haha. That will be different. I probably won't do it until the last chapter can be about finding Mr. Right, ha.)
I mentioned I had a few dates with a guy, so now because I mentioned it I feel like I have to mention that it's ended up not being something that's going to go anywhere. No need to feel down for me... I was having fun, but it was still relatively new and it's so not a big deal for it to be over now.
But I've been in this same exact place plenty of times. It almost doesn't even surprise me anymore when I get that call that things are over. I think I can tell the guy what he's about to say to end things before it ever even comes out of his head (or butt, ha).
A friend and I exchanged some emails today and found that we've both got the same stories:
- He's not looking for a relationship.
- He's not over his ex-girlfriend.
- He doesn't have time to commit because he needs to focus on something else.
That's all fine and dandy, but here's my issue with this stuff:
Don't ask me out if any of the above or anything similar to the above apply to you.
I'm serious. Dating is fun and all, but don't lead me on. Don't ask me out and then ask me out again and then start telling me how much you like me and why you like me and how you want to do such and such with me next week and how much fun you have with me... because if you keep doing that, I let my guard down. And I start to like you. And I think that you're trying to communicate that you like me because you keep saying that and asking me out. And then you pull this 180 and give me a reason why you really aren't looking to date very much in the first place and it's over as soon as it started and I'm not really even sure what just happened or why you bothered to ask me out in the first place if you knew you weren't looking for anything.
Listen up men... no offense. I know there are good men out there who are not doing this to women... men who aren't freaking out 5-6 dates in and then finding a reason to get out... men who are not pursuing and pursuing and then pulling the plug out of seemingly nowhere. Men who are not afraid of commitment! (Let's face it... whether they admit it or not, I firmly believe this is why it usually doesn't work out. That could be a whole different blog post.)
But I haven't met one of you yet... at least not one that wasn't already married to one of my friends. :)
We're on to you men. Us women? We talk. Even if we don't do it on our blogs, we definitely are talking over cocktails. And we know that many of you are doing this same exact thing to all of us.
I'm venting a bit. Please don't take any offense, and please know I realize I'm overgeneralizing. I'm mostly just pissed off that it always seems like the same exact thing happens every time I meet someone who I think is worth spending my time with. Maybe I'd be less annoyed if I felt like guys were being a little bit more creative or something. Like the one guy who told me after 2-3 dates that he wasn't sure we should keep dating because his ex was about to have his baby! (True story.) THAT is a valid explanation.
Anyways, don't get me wrong. I am not the kind of girl who has to be dating someone. In fact, I really only dated like 2-3 guys this year, and none of them were very serious. I'm not one of those girls who just wants a relationship or who is just husband hunting. Sure, ultimately I want the real deal, but I don't go into dating someone thinking too seriously about it in the beginning. That comes with time. And I definitely am not out trolling for men or anything. I really just meet people randomly.
But if I'm going to be dating... if I'm going to be spending my time with someone... I just don't want to be led on. Don't act all into me and then end it out of nowhere. Just be up front and honest. If you're not feeling it, don't say things to indicate that you are. Period. Because it really pisses me off that you make me feel foolish for liking you when you call out of nowhere and say you're just not looking to commit. I wouldn't have let myself start liking you and I wouldn't have kept saying yes to your date invitations if I knew you weren't really all that into me or dating or a relationship or WHATEVER after all.
Oh, one more thing... don't give me the whole "I know a lot of people just blow people off and never call again, but I wanted to be respectful and honest and tell you what I think" thing. Do NOT for a second pat yourself on the back because you told me you wouldn't be around any more. Calling me to end things if that's how you feel is just the right thing to do. You didn't go above and beyond mister. I am not impressed.
Seriously, that book I'm going to write... it's going to be awesome.
I feel a lot better writing this out. It's not like me to publish something like this on here, so don't be surprised if I change my mind and delete it later.
In the end, I do feel rather unphased. I've been in this same boat quite a few times. You kind of just have to roll your eyes and let it go (though I know sometimes this is easier said than done). The whole "other fish in the sea" thing. There's always going to be someone else.
I know there's a great guy out there for me, and we just haven't found each other yet. It'd be easy for me to say "screw dating! To hell with men!" Believe me. But I always take the risk. I always put myself out there. If I meet and start seeing someone I like, I do eventually let my guard down a bit. And so far, that hasn't worked out for me.
But if I don't keep taking the risk... if I don't keep putting myself out there... then I'll never connect with someone in the way that I hope to do someday when the time is right and when the relationship is right. I can't find my special person if I'm not out there dating and getting to know new guys. It'll be through doing that that I will eventually find him.
It just clearly wasn't this guy. And that's ok.
I'm just annoyed. Every guy I've ever dated has been pretty different, but it just baffles me that it always ends the same exact way.
I know that more than likely, this will happen again. But someday, I hope the story will turn out differently. I know that it will when it's the right guy. You know what they say... you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince! I guess I got another frog down. :)
PS - Attn. Mr. Frog - I doubt that you're reading, but if you are... I really do think you're a great guy. I wouldn't have spent time with you if I didn't. I'm not really trying to bash you. I had a fantastic time with you, and I hate that we won't be seeing each other again. But I had to vent... your story was the same as all the other guys before you, and it's just getting old.