Monday, October 4, 2010

Seeing a Ghost

Last Thursday night, I joined a crew of my friends for dinner at The Local Taco and the Jars of Clay show at Live on the Green. It's such a fun and inexpensive way to spend an evening, and we had a total blast.

But I saw a ghost.

I was sitting on the blanket, laughing with friends about who knows what... and then I looked up and saw him.

The guy I dated for three years. The guy I hadn't seen or spoken to since April 2007 when we ran into each other around mile 12 of the Country Music Marathon (random, I know.) A guy that I rarely ever think about any more other than the occasional time when I reference that time from my past.

We were together a long time. We had made plans. We had looked at rings. I joke now that we were engaged to be engaged.

I learned a lot from that relationship, and I'm certain that I'm a better woman and going to be a better wife someday because of it.

But it still felt like a ghost to look up and see him.

He didn't see me. Honestly? It's probably better that way. I've always felt like we could have a polite conversation if we ran into each other. But really, he's a stranger to me now. I'll always hope that he's doing well and having a good life, but I don't need to know about it.

It's weird... I'm still decent friends with pretty much every guy I've ever dated. But not him. I think there was just too much depth to the relationship to know how to be even mere acquaintances.

It's sad to spend all that time investing in someone and then it all ends and there's nothing more to it. I'll always have some good memories and will forever be thankful for what that relationship taught me, but it certainly means little to me now.

I looked at him, and I saw a ghost. A reminder of the past. But in the end, someone who I don't know anymore... someone who doesn't know me... someone that I can hardly remember what it was like to spend so much time with.

He walked out of sight, and I turned back to my friends. I may still be single, and I may hate that sometimes... but in the end, it's right that I wasn't there with him on this night at this concert at this point in life.

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