I turned 29 this weekend.
I have to be honest... I usually LOVE birthdays. I mean, sure my own is fun, but I really love making a big deal out of the birthdays of the people I care about. Nonetheless, I like to celebrate mine as well and all that jazz.
But this year? I wasn't really feeling it.
And I had to realize that's ok.
Maybe it's because I'm not where I thought I'd be at 29. Maybe it's that I have had so many amazing experiences and people come in my life in the past few years and so I feel guilty for still wanting more. Maybe it's that I feel a lot of pressure to make the last year of my 20s count. Or maybe it's just that while the 20s are a lot of fun and full of many good things, they're also really hard in many ways and I almost just wish I could turn 30 and get it over with, haha.
I had a fun birthday outing with some friends. I spent some time with my family. I took myself to the movies. I did some rock climbing.
But it just wasn't the same kind of fun I usually feel. I suppose 25 is really the only other birthday I've had where I felt kind of emotional... And I guess the thing is that I'm feeling some of the same emotions I felt back then. I've traveled and run races and made friends and dated and loved and lost and so many things in the past 4 years, but it's just tough to realize that despite all of that, I still have some of these same feelings deep down that I had on that birthday.
This is life. It's not always rainbows and butterflies and unicorns and glitter. Sometimes it's messy and hard, and even in the midst of SO much good in your life you can still feel a little emotional about it all.
And that's ok.
I'm good. There is much to be thankful for. But it's good to just admit to yourself sometimes that you still want more... and sometimes I think life is about figuring out what that more is and going for it.
I've continued to find myself being a bit more impulsive than usual, but I feel like I have been following my gut... and it feels good. So I think I'm going to keep that up for a bit!